


Parallel Universe.

by wow_thats_angsty



Series: Sander Sides but it's Slice of Life. [4]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Background Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders, Background Morality | Patton Sanders, Episode: Putting Others First - Selfishness v. Selflessness Redux | Sanders Sides, Gen, It isn't as bad at the tags make it sound, Logan is super nihilistic, Logan just kind comforts himself, Logic | Logan Sanders Angst, Logic | Logan Sanders Has Feelings, Logic | Logan Sanders Needs a Hug, Logic | Logan Sanders is Bad at Feelings, Logic | Logan Sanders is a Mess, Logic | Logan Sanders-centric, Mentions of Suicide, Suicidal Thoughts, kind of, someone help him, the author is depressed, vent fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-07
Updated: 2020-12-07
Packaged: 2021-03-09 18:00:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,606
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27940412
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wow_thats_angsty/pseuds/wow_thats_angsty
Summary: Logan was locked in his room after Patton pressed skip. Unfortunately, all of the sides' rooms have side effects and they even affect the side who resides in a given room. Logan thinks too much.Read: the Author has really dark thoughts about the sun exploding (all of the time) and the rest of the thoughts showcased in the fic. The author is projecting onto the character they relate to the most.
Series: Sander Sides but it's Slice of Life. [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2021257
Comments: 5
Kudos: 71





	Parallel Universe.

**Author's Note:**

> TW: Mentions of suicide, mentions of the Earth exploding, mentions of death, these thoughts are just generally uncomfortable. 
> 
> This is honestly more of a vent fic as I haven't been able to talk to my counselor in four weeks.

**Skip**

Logan was dragged back to his room and was locked in. They didn’t want to listen to the literal voice of reason so, there was no point. What was the point of anything anyway? When he asked this question, his immediate response was “Life is the point.” 

But it didn’t  _ feel  _ worthwhile anymore. But he couldn’t  _ feel _ anything… he thought, he was still unsure but it would be illogical for him to have emotions. But… then why did he  _ feel _ so bad. 

The sides’ rooms would often change to accommodate the emotions of the side who resided in it. With Logan, he didn’t often feel strong emotions so it stayed stagnant, constant. But right now, his room was changing to find a way to make him feel better but its tumultuous nature making him feel worse. It was like Thomas himself was trying to comfort him but didn’t know how. The rooms were also extensions of Thomas but were more in tune with the resident. Sometimes they almost felt… sentient which Logan did not care about, though he did have questions and Virgil had expressed discomfort with it. 

Eventually, his room settled on something old, but comforting. 

Thomas’s old high school had a small section by the parking lot where you were secluded from everyone else. He would often sit there after rehearsals for maybe an hour or two waiting for one of his parents or his brothers to pick him up during his freshman year. An overhang protruded from one of the outside walls of the school. He would hide under it during rainy days. It had an old iron bench. He could sing, read, do really anything he wanted, no one was ever there anyway. He could muse out loud to himself if he wanted to (and he had). Roman was convinced that him talking to himself in the secluded area was the true precursor to all of them. 

Roman somewhat disliked the place; he was energized by performances but if Thomas thought he’d done badly, Roman would become weak. And because of Virgil, Thomas always had some sort of criticism. Logan was sure Patton didn’t even remember the place, nothing much happened there and Patton was usually glad his kiddo could unwind. Virgil liked the quiet but everything else about it was ominous; what if they got kidnapped? Though Logan would try to assure him that it was unlikely. 

Logan loved sitting on the old bench and reading Mystery novels. He liked the seclusion. No one could bother Thomas here. He liked the pitter-patter of the rain on the overhang. It was a place of comfort for Logan, ergo, his room became that secluded place to calm him down. 

It was raining in his room right now. Instead of true rain, the rain came down almost rhythmically. Like a thundering lullaby. Logan didn’t even bother to question it. Logan sat under the overhang. Grateful for cover from the storm, though it would seem the droplets of water avoided him. There was an Agatha Christie book beside him. His room was practically begging him to read it. But he rather started talking aloud to himself. His room was starting to affect him. 

“Have I become obsolete?” He asked. He knew he wouldn’t get an answer. 

“Do I even help Thomas at this point? Am I just a hindrance?” 

“Can I feel… anything?” 

Logan always had so many questions spinning around in his head at all times, it was an unfortunate side effect of being Thomas’s curiosity. It wasn’t dissimilar to Virgil almost always feeling anxious. But it did get tiring sometimes. Logan would finally get an answer only for more questions to arise. It felt like playing a losing game.

“What’s the point of gaining more knowledge if I’ll never be satisfied with the knowledge I have?”

Logan had thought about this question a lot. And that question would always lead to more questions. More questions that would slowly drive him insane. He didn’t enjoy the feeling of his sanity slipping from him as his mind desperately tried to make sense of itself. This usually happened when he was left alone for too long but his room would usually speed up the process. Something that would usually take hours, maybe even days, would take a couple of minutes. 

The sides all had something that practically bound them to their room. Virgil only ever felt safe in his room. He felt so much fear when he left it. It must’ve been terrifying to do that every day. Patton would look back and nostalgize. He would practically drown in a pool of memory and would just spiral and spiral until he dragged himself out. Roman had a somewhat similar problem. He had the imagination, the most powerful and sentient room, at his disposal. He could do anything he wanted. He could be anything he wanted. But he had to leave La-La Land. He couldn’t stay there forever, he had a duty to Thomas. Logan didn’t know what bound Remus and Janus to their rooms and he didn’t want to. 

What bound Logan to his room were his paralyzing thoughts. He’d drive himself mad over questions he’d never be able to answer. It was ironic that this whole process was entirely illogical. 

It was why he could deal with Remus so easily. Why he knew what worked and what didn’t work. He knew that repression didn’t work because when  _ he _ had tried to ignore his thoughts and pretend that they didn’t exist, they came back even more prominent in his mind. He tried not to give in and tried to rationalize his thoughts but he couldn’t “Logic his way out of them.” No matter how hard he tried. So he accepted that he had these thoughts and tried not to add fuel to the fire. But sometimes these questions would blaze within his mind and he wouldn’t be able to stop himself from trying to answer them. 

“I don’t know what nothingness feels like. Death means nonexistence. Nonexistence is a foreign concept. Humans will never understand nonexistence. Humans will never truly understand the concept of infinity either. They can’t wrap their brains around infinity. And if they do, likely, they aren’t human. Finite lives are what make humans, human. It gives them humanity. They spend a short time on this earth, and that is something they can all relate to. What is the point of highs and lows if you live forever? Death is frightening but infinity is even more frightening.” 

“The sun will explode and the entire human race will go unremembered, a blip of life gone in an instant in a cold, unfeeling universe.”

“Reality is a concept, therefore, I am obsolete. What is the point of Logic if reality is a fabrication? What is the point of science? What is the point of math? Of physics? There is no point, is there? Would the most appropriate action to take be to off myself?” 

“Pull yourself together, Logan. No need to think like that.” He said to himself. 

He listened to the rain. Pitter-pattering in that same pattern. At first, it was comforting, like a lullaby, but now it sounded like a lullaby in a horror movie. Loud and somehow shrill. The rain had become more turbulent to match his emotions. He took deep breaths. Sometimes he couldn’t accept that he didn’t have all of the answers. But he needed to now as he couldn’t leave his room and if he kept falling down the rabbit hole he’d end at the other side a broken person. Virgil found him in that state once, he hadn’t come out of his room for the past six hours. Virgil told Logan that he had such a strange vacant expression, he said that he looked dead. 

_ Inhale _

_ 1 _

_ 2 _

_ 3 _

_ 4 _

_ Hold _

_ 1 _

_ 2 _

_ 3 _

_ 4 _

_ 5 _

_ 6 _

_ 7 _

_ Exhale _

_ 1 _

_ 2 _

_ 3 _

_ 4 _

_ 5 _

_ 6 _

_ 7 _

_ 8 _

He repeated that for a while before the rain turned to a drizzle. 

He put his mind at ease. He should probably let them know he’s okay. 

“Not that any of care, but I am unharmed. And I don’t want to talk about it. I’m just here to deliver one last fact, then I will do you all a favor and spare you my company.” 

Patton looked apologetic and tried to interrupt him but Logan was having none of it. 

“Aw Logan I-”

“PETER SINGER is an Australian philosopher and activist who champions the movement known as ‘effective altruism.’ The primary feature that differentiates effective altruism from other moral philosophies is its practicality. It employs the heart and the mind so that effective altruism can earn its namesake and actually… be effective. The aim is to help as many people as possible while maintaining a ‘perfectly adequate standard of living.’ 

“So a poor sick person giving five of their last fifteen cents to an aid organization, while incredibly altruistic, is not effective altruism because that money won’t go very far. And the act would only harm that person’s already unacceptable standard of living.”

“Fellow effective altruist William Macaskill recommends that people who are, and are inclined to, should go into fields like banking or finance because more money earned means more money to give.” 

Logan continued reiterating how important it was that Thomas maintain an adequate standard of living. 

He then stopped and let Janus take over. 

He was tired. His room shifted to that of a normal room, he laid down to take a nap. His thoughts wouldn’t plague him when he slept. He drifted into a dreamless sleep. 

**Author's Note:**

> This came to me while I was sitting in the secluded area by the parking lot at my school after recording stuff with my choir class and my mom arrived an hour late, it was very calming 10/10. Except for the whole... my mom got there an hour late.


End file.
